Last night I ended up not going out to the movies... twice have I tried to go out to relax and both times didn't follow through, but no problem. We found out the movie started at 5:30 and at the time it was already 5:15... plus we needed time to get there. Instead my friend Kiki took me out and showed me the singing lights. Which is absolutley beautiful. It's pretty much a fountain show set to music and colored lights but still it was just so relaxing. It's in the middle of Kolkata and right next to Victoria's momument which is sooo beautiful, I must go and check out Victoria when Caitlin, Briana or Corina gets here. It's quite a sight. I've been getting into many theological discussions here in Kolkata. Whether it's with the MC sisters, the volunteers, or sometimes the locals. Either way it's been spiritually fruitful, many times I don't believe it's anything I can do or say... but i must be a channel for God's words be used through me.
I told Sr Capita on wednesady that I was going to try to make mass at 6am at Daya Dan Friday morning; which meant I had to be up before 5 and find a ride or way to get over to Daya Dan. I was standing in front of Mother House by 5:30.... 30 minutes later, still no bus that was headed towards Manicula. I really should of taken the metro, I don't know what I was thinking. Sadly, it was too late to try to make it to mass at Daya Dan so I went to mass at the Mother House and had breakfast with the volunteers.
On the way to Daya Dan I recieved some news.I wasn't sure what to believe; but thinking of the possibility and realizing that none of the volunteer here would lie to me about this... I begin to tear up on the bus. Before, my tears has always been tears of joy; smiling contagiously at the blessed sacrament at Mass, adoration and praying at Mother's tomb. But today... my tears struck me with sorrow. As I fought to hold it back, wiping tears from my eyes and turning my head facing the window of the bus. When I arrived at Daya Dan I went straight to the cribs where Sonu would be. When I entered the room, Mala (one of the Masis), came and told me that Sonu passed away minutes after I left on Wednesday. Last wednesday while I was feeding him, he was extremely sick with a very high fever. It didn't even cross my mind that this may be his last day. But with many difficulities and poor immune system, something as simple for us as a fever may be as costly for those with such circumstance. I took a deep breath and tried to go on with my work. Mala, along with the other Masis and MC sisters, knew how much I loved Sonu and knew that it was important to let me know. I was silent and the knew how I felt. No tears... but i was fighting it. My worldly view of life was selfish and I could't let it take over myself, especially letting it get in the way of the work of the Masis and MC sisters. Life is beautiful and death is even more beautiful when you know that a life with Christ awaits after death. When you fought a good battle all your life, for 13 years, unable to speak, walk, sit up on your own, feed yourself, move anything besides your head and arms, You've fought your battle and hung in so others may learn how to love. You've finsihed the race. I do not doubt the Sonu spent his purgatory here on earth. And I do believe that through our suffering we are united to Christ's passion on the crucifix.
Everything else during the day seem dazed... i helped with physical therapy for 6 month old Bashker, and help with music for the children downstairs... but i had a part of me die to sorrow. I'm learning how to view death as being beautiful, but my selfishness, and blindness to a greater plan leaves me broken in sadness. When lunch came around, I came into the room with those children with deformity and servere mental difficulties, one of the volunteers asked me "where's sonu, is he sick? I haven't seen him all day." I was couldn't help but leave the room, going outside on the balcony to recollect myself. Tears came easily but by the grace of God, I had the strength soon to come back and continue loving and feeding others that needs the same attention and love. There is much love that needs to be given in the world. If we have great love of God with us, and do not put that love into action our life is empty. If we keep love to ourself, we have nothing to gain but everything to lose. Love is eternal and connects us with those eternally. Love is our light to those who live in darkness. There's not a better time than now for me to pray to our Blessed Virgin Mary, for she was there at the foot of the cross for our Lord when he suffered willingly motivated by love; love for the world. Life is beautiful, and never is about how long you live but truly the lives you touch and how you live it. Sonu have touched my life profoundly in the short time i've known him. Teaching me how to love, and how to be humble. Now teaching me the beauty of life and life after death. I'm really sorry that i can't write more... because the more i write, the more I tear up. And I'm fighting it hard as I'm sittig here at the Internet cafe. So please pray for the our beloved Sonu, that his soul may rest finally in the peace and love of Christ. Pray for the MC sisters, Masis, and volunteers that our work will always be for God and that we may always remember that God has the greater plan. I love you all, and God bless your heart.
I told Sr Capita on wednesady that I was going to try to make mass at 6am at Daya Dan Friday morning; which meant I had to be up before 5 and find a ride or way to get over to Daya Dan. I was standing in front of Mother House by 5:30.... 30 minutes later, still no bus that was headed towards Manicula. I really should of taken the metro, I don't know what I was thinking. Sadly, it was too late to try to make it to mass at Daya Dan so I went to mass at the Mother House and had breakfast with the volunteers.
On the way to Daya Dan I recieved some news.I wasn't sure what to believe; but thinking of the possibility and realizing that none of the volunteer here would lie to me about this... I begin to tear up on the bus. Before, my tears has always been tears of joy; smiling contagiously at the blessed sacrament at Mass, adoration and praying at Mother's tomb. But today... my tears struck me with sorrow. As I fought to hold it back, wiping tears from my eyes and turning my head facing the window of the bus. When I arrived at Daya Dan I went straight to the cribs where Sonu would be. When I entered the room, Mala (one of the Masis), came and told me that Sonu passed away minutes after I left on Wednesday. Last wednesday while I was feeding him, he was extremely sick with a very high fever. It didn't even cross my mind that this may be his last day. But with many difficulities and poor immune system, something as simple for us as a fever may be as costly for those with such circumstance. I took a deep breath and tried to go on with my work. Mala, along with the other Masis and MC sisters, knew how much I loved Sonu and knew that it was important to let me know. I was silent and the knew how I felt. No tears... but i was fighting it. My worldly view of life was selfish and I could't let it take over myself, especially letting it get in the way of the work of the Masis and MC sisters. Life is beautiful and death is even more beautiful when you know that a life with Christ awaits after death. When you fought a good battle all your life, for 13 years, unable to speak, walk, sit up on your own, feed yourself, move anything besides your head and arms, You've fought your battle and hung in so others may learn how to love. You've finsihed the race. I do not doubt the Sonu spent his purgatory here on earth. And I do believe that through our suffering we are united to Christ's passion on the crucifix.
Everything else during the day seem dazed... i helped with physical therapy for 6 month old Bashker, and help with music for the children downstairs... but i had a part of me die to sorrow. I'm learning how to view death as being beautiful, but my selfishness, and blindness to a greater plan leaves me broken in sadness. When lunch came around, I came into the room with those children with deformity and servere mental difficulties, one of the volunteers asked me "where's sonu, is he sick? I haven't seen him all day." I was couldn't help but leave the room, going outside on the balcony to recollect myself. Tears came easily but by the grace of God, I had the strength soon to come back and continue loving and feeding others that needs the same attention and love. There is much love that needs to be given in the world. If we have great love of God with us, and do not put that love into action our life is empty. If we keep love to ourself, we have nothing to gain but everything to lose. Love is eternal and connects us with those eternally. Love is our light to those who live in darkness. There's not a better time than now for me to pray to our Blessed Virgin Mary, for she was there at the foot of the cross for our Lord when he suffered willingly motivated by love; love for the world. Life is beautiful, and never is about how long you live but truly the lives you touch and how you live it. Sonu have touched my life profoundly in the short time i've known him. Teaching me how to love, and how to be humble. Now teaching me the beauty of life and life after death. I'm really sorry that i can't write more... because the more i write, the more I tear up. And I'm fighting it hard as I'm sittig here at the Internet cafe. So please pray for the our beloved Sonu, that his soul may rest finally in the peace and love of Christ. Pray for the MC sisters, Masis, and volunteers that our work will always be for God and that we may always remember that God has the greater plan. I love you all, and God bless your heart.
3 comments:
I was reading an older post and remembered when you planned on going to India. Of course everyone was getting prepped for Tijuana and I was like India and Tijuana wow this guy is intense.
When you spoke of going it was along the lines of "I wanna go to India"
and had not heard you say anything about going before that.
Tuan, as I flipped through your old posts and found the Bishnu quote that "you are very good man". I believe that Sonu knew that also. If he was struggling with life: I can only bet you helped put his mind at ease with the love you show.
I don't think you can ask a whole lot more. I know you say you need to be less selfish but with what you are doing in India, That seems like the most unselfish place to be.
While most college students drink away their summer, you my friend work away your summer doing the unthinkable. No wonder you are so tired and have trouble starting your day. You are on the other side of the world putting in (how many hours a day) multiple?
I digress a bit but Athena wondered Monday why she was so tired after helping out with second graders and that was it. I explained that the way I see it working with little kids or helping those in need is like exercise. You will work certain muscles you never knew you had.
You helping others for most of your day can only make you tired and weak. As you are constantly figuring out what else needs to be done before you leave for the night.
Enough rest can only fuel your drive to improve your love and devotion to these needy people.
We all have that selfish and greedy mindset to get something back in return for our work.
What it is that we get back can not be purchased. We get back the joy, laughs and smiles we see from others. that is what your return payment will be. Most of all the huge smile you must be putting on the Holy Familiy's face as you at 20 yrs see the true gifts of life.
You are doing great things and those great things over throw any selfishness you think you might have. if you get a chance call me. I'll talk with you for a few.
ryan
thank you for your support. I know death is meant to be beautiful, but o course those you love form a beautiful bond with. Although I'm sure Sonu is dwelling in the Lord's love which surpasses anything i come close to offer, I must take on death as a gift of life (eternal life with christ) and not be so mournful.
Working with the children is always tiring whether its with many or few, children with disabilities or not. You must give all your attention to whom ever your with, whether it's second graders, children with mental difficulties, the elder, the sick, or a friend... if you truly love and give your all; you'll give till it hurts. Please don't see the act of charity that I do here in Kolkata, India anymore noble than any other act of charity. There's much works that needs to be done in the world not only here in Kolkata; much love that needs to be given. Anyone, cane do the work that I do and honestly... I can not do the work at all but only through the grace of Christ am I given energy and love to reciprocate to those I work with. every soul that thrist for love that you give attention, care, sincerity, and love to you've done the work of God and you've gave much love to Jesus in disguise himself. So let us all go forth and preach the gospel of Love to the world.
By the way, I love you ryan. Thanks for all the comments. I'll try to give you a call soon. It's been pretty busy. And I'm afraid to spend more on my international phone calls than I spend on my weekly meals (my conscious would just feel bad)but if I get the opportunity, for surely I will. Thank you and God bless you always.
Oh, Tuan, I'm so sorry. Those kinds of moments are so difficult to handle. Coming to be reassured by death (because what follows is so much more beautiful) takes a lot of grace and a lot of faith. You show both so well (which is why it's totally OK to cry).
I always smile when we pray for those who have died, "that they may be admitted into the company of the saints." It's comforting to picture them, united with God in heaven, hanging out with the saints.
Am praying for you, and Sonu as well. God bless.
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