When I woke up this morning, in hopes that I would be able to make it to mass, I stood up out of bed and was getting ready for the day.... but than it hit me. My stomach began to gurgle and all I felt like doing was crouching over. I thought, maybe I'll be better in an hour. I came back into my bed, disapointed that I was going to miss mass and laid there and prayed. "Lord, if it's your will for me to be of service today; may you give me the strength to do you so." An hour later I woke up and although my stomach wasn't feeling completely better, i figured it'd be a poor excuse for me to not go make it to Daya Dan today. So I went off on my own; bought a bottle of gatorade, and caught the metro towards Girish Park (daya dan). When I arrived there were plenty of new volunteers there that day. Many of which had no clue where to start and was standing in the middle of the room. I made me think about my first day here, completely clueless about everything and feeling as if I was in everyones way. But when I arrived today Sr. Capita greeted me and said "three days, you no come." Worried, but yet still so cute. I love the sisters here; counting my days when I show up or not. It seemed today by the time I arrived that the children were bathed, which is earlier than usual and since it was a Saturday the physical therapist was coming in to work with the children. I went to the crib where Megha sat. Megha is a girl that has all intellect capabilities but her body is extremely frail and thin, she uses a wheel chair and is encouraged to feed herself, and do many things on her own. She looked at me and said "Uncle, sit!" as she patted her crib. Uncle is a term that used for male here in Kolkata, very respectful in my opinion. And Auntie is what's used for the female. I sat down beside her and she asked me to help her put on perfume that she just got as a gift. It was so cute. Then I went into the classroom and got her a colorbook as we sat and colored with color pencils. I went into the physical therapy room and saw Angeli sitting against the wall and was so happy to see her not sick anymore. I was going to begin working with her leg muscles but as soon as I started a sister from down stair came into the room and looked at me and said "dispentary downstairs." ... WHAT?!? Did I hear her correctly? I told her, I have no medical education or skills. "No no, you go downstair to dispentary" When a sister ask... you just do it, so i did. I went down the stairs thinking to myself, what on earth did I get myself into. Worried sick about whether I'd do something wrong or make things worst. This wasn't like patching a cut with a bandade, i've see some of the wounds the MC sisters works with in Mother Teresa's videos. Today was Saturday, and on tuesdays and saturdays are days when there are dispentary station downstairs in a private room for street paitents. I stepped into the room and my friend Mazie, a med student, looked over at me and said... Thank God, we were praying that someone would come and help. "I don't know if I can do much help" I replied. Mazie said, I got the knowledge you'll be my hands, there are 38 or so paitents outside, more than we usually have and none of the volunteers that usually come showed up today. I just thought to myself over and over; "oh boy... I'm screwed,... or maybe more logically, they're screwed because I'm working on them." I put on a pair of rubber gloves and a face mask. My first paitent sat down in front of me and he was a boy, no older than 13. He put his foot up on the bench. The wrap that was previously wrapped has now become so dirty, yellowish brown, and also soggy, with this horrific smell. He was a boy that got his foot/leg tored by a truck, i'm not sure how but it didn't look pretty one bit. Mazie walked me through the first paitent, as she was still working on another; I began to cut the bandage wraps off and unwind the bandage. The closer I came to his leg the harder it became, his wound has grown into the bandages and I had to put a little bit of water to loosen up the bandages and not teer his skin and wound. When the bandage wrap was finally off, I was in disbelief at what i was working with. This poor boy had a deep cut that was almost half of his lower leg. It went deeper than anything i've ever seen. At least an inch into the skin's surface. I was afraid I was looking at part of the bone also. But diffinately realize I'm dealing with a paitent that has exposed flesh. about 5 inches wide and 1 inch deep. On the other side of his leg he had a smaller wound (i use the word small lightly, it was an inch wide and 1/2 inch deep). Mazie told me what to use to clean out the wound. It was a multi-step process. I can't even begin to remember what were the medical treatment called, I did see hydrogen proxide... be that wasn't used for a deep flesh wound like this. I began cleaning his wound; step by step of how i was told so. Trying to clean out all the white pussy parts around it and make sure there wasn't anything unsanitary on the flesh. I then put a skin cream on the wound to rehabilitate the grown of skin over the flesh, and that was the last step. I gauzed up the wounds and layered it very well because these patients walk around the street barefoot, in the rain. When I was finally finished I couldn't believe I helped my first patient. I had no doubt it was God using me because I know i could not have done that myself. I know that I didn't have the stomach to bare such a sight, or the will to clean intensivelyl so to make sure these patients were going to be alright. There were 8 stations set up and only 3 people helping with dispentary. One of the other volunteer who was also asked to come downstair to help wasn't able to help at the first sight of her patient, she went back upstairs and a different volunteer, Blanca (thank God) who has helped with dispentary at children dispentary locations a few times came and helped us. After a couple of hours several of the sisters came in to help also and all 8 stations were filled and the line that awaited out in the street was moving a lot more fluidly. I dressed a lot of foot wounds. Far extremely then what I ever expected but not once did these patients complain. They would all fold their hands in praise and bless me as they left. A lady gave me a kiss on the forehead for helping out. These patients had such a kind heart and had an amazing outlook on life; many had enormous inch deep flesh wounds but was still so grateful. I had much to learn from them. There was one patient that had magets in his wounds, that has ate into his leg a deep hole. I swore the twizer used to pull out the maget had to have gone half way in but he didn't even move or make a sound. I've never seen worms/magets in my life before... these yellow little "lavra looking things". I couldn't believe someone was walking around with numberous of magets inside his leg. Hours and hours passed and I began to become more and more comfortable, I had Mazie and the MC sister that had medical history help explain and monitor what i needed to do and I had the grace of God to help guide and give me the strength in doing what i was doing.
The day at Daya Dan ended a lot later than I usually end if i was working upstairs. We finish the line of patients that was waiting along the side of the building on the street. Our last patient was something else... He had some horrible stitchings done at some hospital awhile back, and for some reason he had wires in his foot. Needless to say, his foot was a total mess. It smelled wrost then all the wounds I delt with before combined and his foot was so deformed, with flesh wounds infections and these random wires sticking in and out of his foot. It was beyond what MC sisters, and the volunteers can do... and so we had to get him to the hospital. Although I didn't get to work the with children upstairs I felt as if God got me out of bed for the very reason of helping those at the dispentary. As soon as I finished my work there and returned to sudder street my stomach acted up again and i returned to my weird stomach mode. I'm still praying that it'll clear up.. and nothing seems to be pleasing to my stomach. The thought of food makes it upset but I'm trying.
I realize that Caitlin will be flying out in a couple of hours and tomorrow late night or early morning monday; I'll have a travel buddy! I'm excited! Today there wasn't catehesis with Sr Karina, although many of thought so; but she wanted to meet with Justin one on one, the non-catholic that had these amazing questions, and I could only imagine how benefical that meeting would be for him rather than the other 10 other volunteers that are just looking to pick at sister's brain for new insights and different perspective on the same belief. Anyways, God is amazing and is working hard here in Kolkata. I can not take any credit of the work that was done today and keep it to myself or praised whatsoever. Like Mary, who reflects all praises back to our Heavenly father, as a mirror that reflects the light... may I only begin to praise God through her example for the wonderous deeds He has done today, and the blessings He's given to me and shown me throughout today. All for Jesus ~ always, always.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
A day of rest
I don't know if this blog is even worth writing. I wasn't going to blog today but I figured that some people are checking my blogs daily and if I didn't blog... than you may think something happened. So, just to let you know... all's fine.
I feel really bad because this week I feel as if I've been so lazy. I woke up this morning not feeling the best, and i'm worried about coming to work/volunter with anything mild knowing that just last week two of the paients passed away because of a fever. I didn't want to come and risk their health because of my own health. So this morning when I woke up I was in differences about whether to go or not, I figured... maybe i'll just sleep it out and by the afternoon I'll make it to the afternoon shift instead. So I slept in and had breakfast at Tirupati; I had rice porage. Afterwards I called Caitlin Stone knowing that she's preparing to leave to Kolkata in a day or so... which means it won't be long for me until she arrives... I'm sooo excited! Then I got to talk to Sara for a bit and had went to Tirupati and ordered veg. noodles to go. I bought a 2 litter of 7up, to lower my fever if i had one, which seems to be pretty mild and I can feel it at times. But after lunch I got really tired and ended sleeping instead of going to my afternoon shift. I feel asleep from 1pm till 7:35pm... MID DAY! I couldn't believe it! I think I would of slept even longer but I made myself get out of bed to get some dinner. I don't know what's up with me, but I think it's due to weather changes that i feel so off. I know there are several of the volunteers in my hotel that are feeling the same way i am; or worst. So I'm just going to wait it off/sleep it off.
I had dinner at JoJo's again today and got some fried momo's.... I don't think anything fried was the best option for me today but it was good. I got a ginger/lemon/honey tea which was freak'n amazing! i don't think i've ever had a tea so great in my life. I loved it, and it just hit the spot for me. I sat for an hour or so at Jojo with one of my roommate, Brendan (he's from Ireland). When I finally left Jojo's I figured I should do a little something before I head back to the Paragon and sleep AGAIN! So... I figured, maybe I'll blog.
On my way over to the internet cafe there were two European girls at the end of an alley, helping a begger that we often see on Sudder. He seemed sick and was laying in the corner of the alley. I was walking about 100ft back from a group of 8 Indian guys. They saw the two volunteers and walked over to the corner, corning them in yelling and cheering something. Either way... it didn't look very good to me. I noticed one of the girl was really shocked/nervous about 8 guys surrounding them and signaled for them to leave them alone, so i hussled on over. I got into the center of the corner between the two volunteer and begger and the guys that surrounded them, standing right in front of the guy that was yelling the loudest and stared him down. "What's the problem here, boys?" I asked him with an absolute blank stare (I know some of you have seen my pissed-off face, but it has absolutely no expression and it's all within the eyes). "No problem" he answered as he tired to smile it off. Acouple of the other guys that were with him chuckling at him and I only turned to stare back at them to silence their giggles. "No problem, no problem" he said again, he patted my arm. I looked over at where he was holding my arm and he quickly let go. I heard a little murmuring and soon after the guys dispersed from the corner and quickly walked down the alley. The two girls that was there, looked extremely relieved and got up and said thankyou and went back towards their hotel. I went on in the same direction to the internet cafe, which happened to be in the same directions as the group of guys.
I don't know what it is but it pisses me off when I hear/see how the white skinned girls get looked at or talked to here. I know a lot of it has to do with the horrible media that is protraying the western civilization and europeans; I see it everywhere here... and if you thought the US is bad for portraying sex in media... here it portrays the same but of course it's with the American girls or European girls. It really protrays girls as being "easy" and an object of gratification, but to me that doesn't it cut it as an excuse. I know all these men here know they can't treat the women in their culture like that, but they just see what's on tv and think it's okay in treating europeans or westerns girls like how they see. Needless to say, I take it offensively and personanlly whenever i see it around me. I take everyone of these volunteers as my own sibblings... and I don't know if any of you know how protective I am with my younger sisters, but yes... it's not pretty.
Anyways, i didn't do much today besides sleep and I didn't think i had anything to write about... until i was walking towards the internet to blog and... i guess that's your story for the day. Anyways... keep me and my health in your prayers; I really want to be able to return to work at Daya Dan tomorrow. I feel really useless being here and feeling so tired on and off this week and not being able to work at Daya Dan. I really miss the children and I know that the sisters asked one of the other volunteers about me today. So hopefully I feel good and going tomorrow. I actually feel perfectly fine to do hard labor, I'm just afraid anything mild can relay over to the patient and that worries me more. So for all those who may be worried about me.... (Mom/Sara); quit your worrying.
I feel really bad because this week I feel as if I've been so lazy. I woke up this morning not feeling the best, and i'm worried about coming to work/volunter with anything mild knowing that just last week two of the paients passed away because of a fever. I didn't want to come and risk their health because of my own health. So this morning when I woke up I was in differences about whether to go or not, I figured... maybe i'll just sleep it out and by the afternoon I'll make it to the afternoon shift instead. So I slept in and had breakfast at Tirupati; I had rice porage. Afterwards I called Caitlin Stone knowing that she's preparing to leave to Kolkata in a day or so... which means it won't be long for me until she arrives... I'm sooo excited! Then I got to talk to Sara for a bit and had went to Tirupati and ordered veg. noodles to go. I bought a 2 litter of 7up, to lower my fever if i had one, which seems to be pretty mild and I can feel it at times. But after lunch I got really tired and ended sleeping instead of going to my afternoon shift. I feel asleep from 1pm till 7:35pm... MID DAY! I couldn't believe it! I think I would of slept even longer but I made myself get out of bed to get some dinner. I don't know what's up with me, but I think it's due to weather changes that i feel so off. I know there are several of the volunteers in my hotel that are feeling the same way i am; or worst. So I'm just going to wait it off/sleep it off.
I had dinner at JoJo's again today and got some fried momo's.... I don't think anything fried was the best option for me today but it was good. I got a ginger/lemon/honey tea which was freak'n amazing! i don't think i've ever had a tea so great in my life. I loved it, and it just hit the spot for me. I sat for an hour or so at Jojo with one of my roommate, Brendan (he's from Ireland). When I finally left Jojo's I figured I should do a little something before I head back to the Paragon and sleep AGAIN! So... I figured, maybe I'll blog.
On my way over to the internet cafe there were two European girls at the end of an alley, helping a begger that we often see on Sudder. He seemed sick and was laying in the corner of the alley. I was walking about 100ft back from a group of 8 Indian guys. They saw the two volunteers and walked over to the corner, corning them in yelling and cheering something. Either way... it didn't look very good to me. I noticed one of the girl was really shocked/nervous about 8 guys surrounding them and signaled for them to leave them alone, so i hussled on over. I got into the center of the corner between the two volunteer and begger and the guys that surrounded them, standing right in front of the guy that was yelling the loudest and stared him down. "What's the problem here, boys?" I asked him with an absolute blank stare (I know some of you have seen my pissed-off face, but it has absolutely no expression and it's all within the eyes). "No problem" he answered as he tired to smile it off. Acouple of the other guys that were with him chuckling at him and I only turned to stare back at them to silence their giggles. "No problem, no problem" he said again, he patted my arm. I looked over at where he was holding my arm and he quickly let go. I heard a little murmuring and soon after the guys dispersed from the corner and quickly walked down the alley. The two girls that was there, looked extremely relieved and got up and said thankyou and went back towards their hotel. I went on in the same direction to the internet cafe, which happened to be in the same directions as the group of guys.
I don't know what it is but it pisses me off when I hear/see how the white skinned girls get looked at or talked to here. I know a lot of it has to do with the horrible media that is protraying the western civilization and europeans; I see it everywhere here... and if you thought the US is bad for portraying sex in media... here it portrays the same but of course it's with the American girls or European girls. It really protrays girls as being "easy" and an object of gratification, but to me that doesn't it cut it as an excuse. I know all these men here know they can't treat the women in their culture like that, but they just see what's on tv and think it's okay in treating europeans or westerns girls like how they see. Needless to say, I take it offensively and personanlly whenever i see it around me. I take everyone of these volunteers as my own sibblings... and I don't know if any of you know how protective I am with my younger sisters, but yes... it's not pretty.
Anyways, i didn't do much today besides sleep and I didn't think i had anything to write about... until i was walking towards the internet to blog and... i guess that's your story for the day. Anyways... keep me and my health in your prayers; I really want to be able to return to work at Daya Dan tomorrow. I feel really useless being here and feeling so tired on and off this week and not being able to work at Daya Dan. I really miss the children and I know that the sisters asked one of the other volunteers about me today. So hopefully I feel good and going tomorrow. I actually feel perfectly fine to do hard labor, I'm just afraid anything mild can relay over to the patient and that worries me more. So for all those who may be worried about me.... (Mom/Sara); quit your worrying.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
thursday
Last night was extremely eventful!
We just went around sudder and invited all the volunteers to my hotel (Paragon) for a 4th of july celebration. the party was set for 9pm... and when it struck 9, not a single person was there. I felt sad because... it was 4th of July and everything was so boring. But within minutes the party got bigger and bigger... and bigger. Everybody brought food and we had plenty of it for everyone. There was about 100- people there. It was absolutely amazing. One of my friend bought 3 live chickens and had Kissore (the wonderful man at the Tariupati fastfood stand) cook it for us; with this yummy Bhrata chicken, we also brought tortias for it. There were several bags of chips, bottles of sodas (orange fanta, pepsi, coke, spirte), vodak and plenty of beer. We had pineapple, chocolate and deliciuos momos. It was an amazing party. There were some people from the hotel next door (hotel Maria) looking over from the balacony and we kept on inviting more and more people over. By the time it was 10:30 our courtyard in front of my bedroom was packed! Everyone was socializing and just having a great time. Then... it began to rain. Yes yes... it's the season here in India for plenty of it. But to my suprise, nobody cared. We all stood around in the rain and continued to hang out and talk. We had people all over the world hanging out having fun; from France, Germany, Austria, Australia, Spain, Mexico, Korea, Japan, China, and of course the celebration for the US. (i'm sure i'm leaving out several countries). Around midnight the party was still going, everyone was done eating and it was time for entertainment. And of course... on a fourth of July part we can't just have any entertainment but something that lights up the night. We couldn't find a place where they sold fireworks but we did have some amazing friends that could do some firedancing! And for surely enough we had the most amazing fire dancers. Twirling these chains with a ball of fire at the end in the most extravgant manner. It was so beautiful to watch in the night although it was pouring rain. So lady and gentlemen.... that's how we celebrate 4th of july here in India!
Well as for today, it's a thursday which means all the volunteers are stuck inside because the various MC sites have the volunteers day off because it's the sister's prayer day. So I'm not too sure what i'll end up doing today. There's poweroutage at many of the local internet shops, sadly it's the shops that have all the international phone calls connected to the internet so... I guess today will be a reading and writing day for me. which is good, since I haven't had the opportunity to do much of it. Maybe i'll write more later but till than! take care and God bless. I hope you guys all had an amazing 4th of July. I miss it all and if you have an amazing 4th of July story please email it to me... i'd love to hear. The last time around 4th of July me and acouple of the Xmen caught the driveway on fire, and there was black smoke sky high... so if you have any exciting stories like that be sure to swing it my way. Well I hope all was safe and fun!
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
4th of July
Hey hey, Happy fourth of July! I'm over here in India and I almost forgot that today was a big US celebration. Well, there's not much going on for me today... I'm feeling a little under the weather but it's nothing to be too worried about. I think it was because I was walking around in the rain all day yesterday and the hood on my coat was really useless and my hair was wet all day... I woke up feeling sick so i slept in. I finally got going and am feeling better, I'll just make sure i get a lot of rest and fluids. The typical thing you'd here from a mom or a girlfriend.... I'll be sure to do. So, no worries mama; i'm fine. I dont' know what I'll end up doing tonight. I know a couple of my american volunteer friends and I were talking about celebrating 4th of July tonight... go find a place to have a burger and fries... and maybe go do something americanized. I dont' know if we'll find fireworks. I heard last 4th of July some Americans put on a really good firework show but i don't know if that'll happen this year. Anyways, I'm going to cut this blog short so i can go take a nap. Take care and God bless!
MONSOON
I set my alarm this morning at 5:10... when I awoke it was pouring rain outside, so i figured... maybe i'll sleep in a little and see if it clears up. 5:30 I woke up and looked outside and the water was about calf-high water. I figured maybe today I'll miss mass and take the metro straight to Daya Dan... I woke up later at 6:30 and the water was now knee-high. The bottom hostel floor was flooded up to the door (which is raised... there's about 3 steps before you enter into the bottom floor's room.) I heard the metro was closed and figured today was another day off. All the volunteers I saw in the hotel room felt the same. Honestly, I felt kind of bad because yesterday I wasn't there in the morning and today I wasn't going either. I had a slow morning getting going and decided ... I'll end up getting wet anyways, so why not roam the streets. I went to go find a internet cafe around 9:30 this morning and many were closed but I found one open. It was so excited walking through the monsoon water but at the same time the most disgusting thing. There was garbage, poop, dead rats and all sorts of stuff floating in the water, and you had to brush by a lot of them while trudding through the water. I ended up eating at JoJo's for lunch and dinner (the closest place to my hostel). After lunch i was already wet walking from place to place so and i wanted to make it over to Mother house because i felt so lazy and useless today. So I walked through the streets that were flooded with all sorts of crap towards the mother house. I took the long way around (staying on the main streets) because I knew my usual route lead me by the dump, the cows, the slaughter house, and all sorts of junk in the water so I decided to walk around it all... it took about 30 minutes to get there and I was drenched by the time I reached Mother House. I meet up with Sr Karina along with about 10 other volunteers for a bible study/catechists class. Before I sister came I was roaming the room and stumbled across two book shevles full of books... opening it up I saw the best collections of catholic books I've ever seen. Scott Hahn's books, St loui Demontford, The dairy of St Faustina, Fulton Sheen, Immitation of Christ....the list goes on and on and every book i picked up I had the biggest grin on my face. I recommend to my friend Mazie; Rome Sweet Home because I thought she'd enjoy that and Sr Karina came by and was really excited that we were holding that book... so Mazie took it back to read, I barrowed "the World's First Love" by Fulton Sheen and was so excited I found it there because I was meaning to bring it.
Our bible study was amazing! We started off writing out some questions so sister can go through them for next week or so. And than there was a volunteer, Justin, that was with us that wasnt a Catholic and he had some of the most wonderful questions about the faith. The foundation of the Church and the Early Fathers, and on scripture/tradition. It was really wonderful and I was able to help explain somethings also. The teachings of Theology of the Body really help me explain a lot of things... such as the convanet (Jesus and mary), talked about apostolic sucession, and the fall of man. We brought up reconciliation when we were digging through Genesis 3, and Sister gave me the most beautiful examination of concious that we should reflect before reconciliation. And it was the questions that God asked Adam and Eve in chapter 3... when he came that evening and they were hidding. "Where are you?" "Who have you listened to" and "What are you doing?", I really connected with this and realize this is a way i need to prepare myself every night, since I do not know when the time will come, and also before every reconciliation... to recall where I'm at in life, where is my relationship with Christ at, to call out my deceptions, the faults i've bought into, and then recall my offenses against our lord. What a beautiful way to reflect our relationship with Christ.
Our study went a little late and Sr. Karina had to be at prayers but it was so fruitful and amazing that when she said, I'll see you next tuesday at four... I poutted. She looked over and said "do you guys want to have it more than once a week". Gleefully we all nooded! So Saturdays and Tuesdays at 4 are our bible study time! We're so blessed with Sr. Karina and many other MC sisters that give of their time to help us grow closer to Christ.
When Bible study was finished it was half an hour till adoration so I stayed around because I wanted to attend but didn't want to have to walk back to sudder than back to Mother house. Adoration was beautiful like always. During adoration lightening and thunder lit up the sky. And heavy rain come pouring down. We celebrated St. Thomas's feast day, a patron st of India. And apparently from what I heard from the MCsisters is that every year on his feast day it rains in Kolkata.
Walking home from Mother House at 8:30pm was quite the experience. I was dark out, pouring rain and water was knee-high. I had on a coat that got drenched with water and absolutely useless after 10 minutes in the rain. The sky would flash compeletly white and was followed by the rolling of thunder clashes, that rumbled my chest. I was terrified that lightening was going to hit the ground that was already flooded and that was I walking through and prayed all the way back towards sudder.
... Well I'm here safe, and had my dinner and now blogging. I really hope I'll be able to go to Daya Dan tomorrow. I hope the Metro is open, if not I'll need to try to take a taxi from Sudder or go to Mother House than take a bus and rickshaw through the water. yeah... it's amazing that the cars are still running and the manrickshaw/autorickshaw still runs through this deep water.
Well, the excitment starts! And it'll be a very inviting welcome for caitlin when she arrives in a couple of days but I'll be sure to pick her up from the airport. I also think that it'll die down within the next 5 days. I guess we'll just wait and see. Caitlin... no worries, it's going to be freak'n awesome here!
Tuan nguyen
Let our struggles and burdens be a way we become united in the passion of Christ.
Our bible study was amazing! We started off writing out some questions so sister can go through them for next week or so. And than there was a volunteer, Justin, that was with us that wasnt a Catholic and he had some of the most wonderful questions about the faith. The foundation of the Church and the Early Fathers, and on scripture/tradition. It was really wonderful and I was able to help explain somethings also. The teachings of Theology of the Body really help me explain a lot of things... such as the convanet (Jesus and mary), talked about apostolic sucession, and the fall of man. We brought up reconciliation when we were digging through Genesis 3, and Sister gave me the most beautiful examination of concious that we should reflect before reconciliation. And it was the questions that God asked Adam and Eve in chapter 3... when he came that evening and they were hidding. "Where are you?" "Who have you listened to" and "What are you doing?", I really connected with this and realize this is a way i need to prepare myself every night, since I do not know when the time will come, and also before every reconciliation... to recall where I'm at in life, where is my relationship with Christ at, to call out my deceptions, the faults i've bought into, and then recall my offenses against our lord. What a beautiful way to reflect our relationship with Christ.
Our study went a little late and Sr. Karina had to be at prayers but it was so fruitful and amazing that when she said, I'll see you next tuesday at four... I poutted. She looked over and said "do you guys want to have it more than once a week". Gleefully we all nooded! So Saturdays and Tuesdays at 4 are our bible study time! We're so blessed with Sr. Karina and many other MC sisters that give of their time to help us grow closer to Christ.
When Bible study was finished it was half an hour till adoration so I stayed around because I wanted to attend but didn't want to have to walk back to sudder than back to Mother house. Adoration was beautiful like always. During adoration lightening and thunder lit up the sky. And heavy rain come pouring down. We celebrated St. Thomas's feast day, a patron st of India. And apparently from what I heard from the MCsisters is that every year on his feast day it rains in Kolkata.
Walking home from Mother House at 8:30pm was quite the experience. I was dark out, pouring rain and water was knee-high. I had on a coat that got drenched with water and absolutely useless after 10 minutes in the rain. The sky would flash compeletly white and was followed by the rolling of thunder clashes, that rumbled my chest. I was terrified that lightening was going to hit the ground that was already flooded and that was I walking through and prayed all the way back towards sudder.
... Well I'm here safe, and had my dinner and now blogging. I really hope I'll be able to go to Daya Dan tomorrow. I hope the Metro is open, if not I'll need to try to take a taxi from Sudder or go to Mother House than take a bus and rickshaw through the water. yeah... it's amazing that the cars are still running and the manrickshaw/autorickshaw still runs through this deep water.
Well, the excitment starts! And it'll be a very inviting welcome for caitlin when she arrives in a couple of days but I'll be sure to pick her up from the airport. I also think that it'll die down within the next 5 days. I guess we'll just wait and see. Caitlin... no worries, it's going to be freak'n awesome here!
Tuan nguyen
Let our struggles and burdens be a way we become united in the passion of Christ.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Jesus truly present
My Lord is truly beautiful... and fully presences in the Holy Eucharist. Pray with trust in our Lord and he will give you comfort and resolution. Believe with your heart and you shall recieve. Today was a day that i will never forget. I woke up early to attend mass at 6. After mass I went to breakfast with the volunteer like usual but yesterrday Sr. Drucsilla asked if I wanted to talk tomorrow during/after breakfast. She saw right through me yesterday and knew my heart was burden. When all the volunteers left to go off to their assinged sites, I sat with Sister and talked about vocation, relationships, and many other things that I carried as a cross. She told me, "today, you will take the morning off... I want you to spend as much time with Jesus in prayer and he will give you an answer." I came upstair into an empty chapel with the tabernacle centered and the statue of our Blessed Mother to the right and I began to pray. An hour after the novist came in (in groups of 9-15; since there are almost 50-100 of them) they each spent an hour in adoration and did rotations... I had a hard time trying to hear God in my prayer and continued to pray.... "Jesus come... Mary guide me to your Son..." It's so hard to focus when the Mother House is right next to one of the busiest streets in town. Cars, horn, and people shouting started out distracting me but soon it faded, and I was alone with Christ in the blessed Sacrament of the Altar; The Eucharist. I forgot I was there before the Novist and sisters and began to pray and pray; for direction, for trust, and to be more closely united to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. All i've seen before is the foolishness of my desire, the desire of worldly things; of the impulses of the flesh but the height of wisdom is to set your goal on heaven by not being bound to worldly desire... the materialistic things we'll soon loose and the value of it looses it's value; the desire to act on the impluse of our flesh only counterfiets what God has waiting for us; whether it's marriage or relgious/holy order. No human flesh or relationship can be our ultimate end but the flesh and blood of etneral life offered at the crucifiction and in the Eucharist will bring true eternal life for our soul. Only through Christ may any relationship be perfected. I must love Jesus above and before all things to be able to love fully and reciprocate the love to others. I am all His and any relationship only helps point me to my ultimate end. I prayed and prayed... and when I was just getting ready to really begin and ask for intentions and signs. The novist had finished their whole session. I just spent 5 hours in adoration and it felt like minutes. I was able to pray for intercession from our Blessed Virgin Mary and did all 4 mysteries of the rosary. May soul rejoiced in God my saviour and i was illuminating with great gratitude of the Love shown by Christ on Calvary. Sr. Druscilla asked me to come back downstair so we could talk some more to hear where I've come in prayers. I won't say much but God has given me the guidance in my meditation.
We will always fall, whether it's in selfishness, relationships, hurting others or not being an image of a true disciple of Christ. But we must remember the station of the Cross... and become an imitation of Christ and a servant like our Blessed Virgin Mary. Christ himself had to carry a cross; of suffering but of great love. He fell numberous times on his climb to calvary, but the glory is that he got back up every time. We must image this... for we are doomed to fall while carry our cross and burdens if Christ himself fell, but we must get back up to walk towards the foot of the cross on Calvary, towards redemption and salvation. God knows the plans for our lives... we must trust that where we're at is where God wants us... and fully heartedly pursue it as God's plan, if it's not His plan he will direct us otherwise. Whatever God has created no man can break. So let us trust in his plan and begin to live and serve everyone with Love.
This morning was one of the greatest time in my life; I got to spend hours in adoration and talk to Sister Drucsilla for a while and than return to adoration and than spend some time at Mother's Tomb. What more could I ask for... but that's exactly it. When you have love with you, you must act and God will put situations in your life so you will. I was headed back towads sudder street to get some lunch; i decided to help out the families rather than the popular resturants that I went to and bought from some sketchy store outside of the houses on the street. I bought something called Samosa and it was WHOOOOO yummy! they were a ruppee each... so what... 2 cents if even? So i paid 50% tip on the Samosa I bought. I got to sudder and I recieved some bad news. (I missed my morning session at Daya Dan... and had to find out during lunch)... Lucy (i don't know if i've mentioned her yet), but she's been in the hospital for 5 days since Sonu died. She also had a high fever and after Sonu, we couldn't risk anything. But today my friend Rosa came and told me Lucy died last night in the hospital. Lucy.... at age 9, also with extreme disability. I had spent time before helping her with physical therapy and bathing her. And couldn't believe what i heard. This was a shock for many of the volunteer, masis, and sisters.... two beautiful souls in one week. I rushed over to metro after recieve the news and got to Daya Dan as quick as I can. Mass was being held for her at 2:30 and i arrived just in time. Jesus truly present in the Eucharist and there he was before our beloved departed soul of Lucy. She laid not in a tomb but in exposition on a platform not to far from the Altar... facing the altar as if she was attending her last mass with us all. She laid there beautifull, clothed in the fines dress, with a ribbion in her hair and flowers covered her all around. At the end of mass I had the opportunity to come and say my final farewell. Nothing moved me more than love, I bowed before her body and rised in tears, placing my hand on her forehead I blessed her with the sign of the cross and the words that came out from me was "I love you Lucy". My soul rejoiced for her union with Christ but mourn the lost of a beloved friend. I bent over her body and kissed her forehead and tears came strolling down my face. "In the heaven there shall be no more tears" the pains of the world and suffering Lucy endured was finally brought to peace with Christ, as she spent her years united in Christ suffering already. My tears turned into tears of joy as I realized that eternal life has begun for her, and I smiled with tears running down my face.
After mass lightening and thunder struck and heavy rain began to pour... I had the opportunity to head back to sudder but decided I needed to go to the cemetary and help bury Lucy's body. Me and 11 other volunteers headed over in two taxi, the ride was about 30 minutes from Daya Dan to a Cemetary around Kalighat. When we arrived there were some delima about a signed signature that needed to be on a form. So there was an hour or more of a delay. By the time the grave was digged and everything was ready it was dark out, I was asked to be one of the 4 to carry her tomb. I carried it in disbelief but with great love, praying the whole way towards her grave site. We did a prayer over her tomb and than I was asked to help lower her into her grave and my heart was filled with much love as I lowered her down. I could not do anything on my own but only through the grace of God may he use me to be his instrument of peace and love. And my heart was filled with love. The sisters gave me miraculous medals to throw into the grave along with her tomb, it was blessed, and than i helped bury the tomb with my hands from the dirt the mounted beside it. The sisters gave me insences to place on the mound of dirt once her tomb was covered, and we layed flowers all over the mound. And covered illuminated her sites with candles as we sang farewell blessings, than the sisters and masis sang a song in Bangali.
This was truly a blessing in my life to be a part of such an honoring role in the life of Lucy. I was able to visit Sonu's tomb and pray for his soul also and my day have been fully blessed with Christ with me always. Just trust and serve! There is much we don't know but faith is our answer. Love selflessly and you will be repaid abundantly through sharing the love and joy of Christ
The day finally came to an end around 8:30pm and I was headed back towards sudder street to finally get some dinner. Oh, by the way... I got to ride with the MC sisters in the Missionarity of Charity ambulance bus/van. It was pretty neat. Kolkata traffic is ridiculous though. And people honk for no reason.... you have a full on traffic jam but people still insist on honking and holding down their horn. It's weird/annoying. There's lanes in the road but nobody ever uses them. Anyways... thankyou everyone for your prayers. I don't know who all was praying but today was a total 180 for me! Thanks thanks and rest in God's love.
We will always fall, whether it's in selfishness, relationships, hurting others or not being an image of a true disciple of Christ. But we must remember the station of the Cross... and become an imitation of Christ and a servant like our Blessed Virgin Mary. Christ himself had to carry a cross; of suffering but of great love. He fell numberous times on his climb to calvary, but the glory is that he got back up every time. We must image this... for we are doomed to fall while carry our cross and burdens if Christ himself fell, but we must get back up to walk towards the foot of the cross on Calvary, towards redemption and salvation. God knows the plans for our lives... we must trust that where we're at is where God wants us... and fully heartedly pursue it as God's plan, if it's not His plan he will direct us otherwise. Whatever God has created no man can break. So let us trust in his plan and begin to live and serve everyone with Love.
This morning was one of the greatest time in my life; I got to spend hours in adoration and talk to Sister Drucsilla for a while and than return to adoration and than spend some time at Mother's Tomb. What more could I ask for... but that's exactly it. When you have love with you, you must act and God will put situations in your life so you will. I was headed back towads sudder street to get some lunch; i decided to help out the families rather than the popular resturants that I went to and bought from some sketchy store outside of the houses on the street. I bought something called Samosa and it was WHOOOOO yummy! they were a ruppee each... so what... 2 cents if even? So i paid 50% tip on the Samosa I bought. I got to sudder and I recieved some bad news. (I missed my morning session at Daya Dan... and had to find out during lunch)... Lucy (i don't know if i've mentioned her yet), but she's been in the hospital for 5 days since Sonu died. She also had a high fever and after Sonu, we couldn't risk anything. But today my friend Rosa came and told me Lucy died last night in the hospital. Lucy.... at age 9, also with extreme disability. I had spent time before helping her with physical therapy and bathing her. And couldn't believe what i heard. This was a shock for many of the volunteer, masis, and sisters.... two beautiful souls in one week. I rushed over to metro after recieve the news and got to Daya Dan as quick as I can. Mass was being held for her at 2:30 and i arrived just in time. Jesus truly present in the Eucharist and there he was before our beloved departed soul of Lucy. She laid not in a tomb but in exposition on a platform not to far from the Altar... facing the altar as if she was attending her last mass with us all. She laid there beautifull, clothed in the fines dress, with a ribbion in her hair and flowers covered her all around. At the end of mass I had the opportunity to come and say my final farewell. Nothing moved me more than love, I bowed before her body and rised in tears, placing my hand on her forehead I blessed her with the sign of the cross and the words that came out from me was "I love you Lucy". My soul rejoiced for her union with Christ but mourn the lost of a beloved friend. I bent over her body and kissed her forehead and tears came strolling down my face. "In the heaven there shall be no more tears" the pains of the world and suffering Lucy endured was finally brought to peace with Christ, as she spent her years united in Christ suffering already. My tears turned into tears of joy as I realized that eternal life has begun for her, and I smiled with tears running down my face.
After mass lightening and thunder struck and heavy rain began to pour... I had the opportunity to head back to sudder but decided I needed to go to the cemetary and help bury Lucy's body. Me and 11 other volunteers headed over in two taxi, the ride was about 30 minutes from Daya Dan to a Cemetary around Kalighat. When we arrived there were some delima about a signed signature that needed to be on a form. So there was an hour or more of a delay. By the time the grave was digged and everything was ready it was dark out, I was asked to be one of the 4 to carry her tomb. I carried it in disbelief but with great love, praying the whole way towards her grave site. We did a prayer over her tomb and than I was asked to help lower her into her grave and my heart was filled with much love as I lowered her down. I could not do anything on my own but only through the grace of God may he use me to be his instrument of peace and love. And my heart was filled with love. The sisters gave me miraculous medals to throw into the grave along with her tomb, it was blessed, and than i helped bury the tomb with my hands from the dirt the mounted beside it. The sisters gave me insences to place on the mound of dirt once her tomb was covered, and we layed flowers all over the mound. And covered illuminated her sites with candles as we sang farewell blessings, than the sisters and masis sang a song in Bangali.
This was truly a blessing in my life to be a part of such an honoring role in the life of Lucy. I was able to visit Sonu's tomb and pray for his soul also and my day have been fully blessed with Christ with me always. Just trust and serve! There is much we don't know but faith is our answer. Love selflessly and you will be repaid abundantly through sharing the love and joy of Christ
The day finally came to an end around 8:30pm and I was headed back towards sudder street to finally get some dinner. Oh, by the way... I got to ride with the MC sisters in the Missionarity of Charity ambulance bus/van. It was pretty neat. Kolkata traffic is ridiculous though. And people honk for no reason.... you have a full on traffic jam but people still insist on honking and holding down their horn. It's weird/annoying. There's lanes in the road but nobody ever uses them. Anyways... thankyou everyone for your prayers. I don't know who all was praying but today was a total 180 for me! Thanks thanks and rest in God's love.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Nabo Jibon
yesterday evening I had a lady stop me and ask for milk for her baby... after joking around with her for a bit (in Bangali!!!) I got her to admit that the child wasn't even hers. The child was dressed in girls clothing to make him seem more adorable for more begging... it's pretty sad that a lot of these beggers spend their life begging. I told her she couuld easily get a job because she speaks english well. But the lifestyle really isn't for her. The begging money is spent like any money of any occupation. A child I saw o n the street that was begging was bragging at me while we're in the cinemas because they got box seats..., it's rather funny or maybe not how we often think that we're helping but as the sister say it may cause them to be dependant on this lifestyle of begging and dishonesty. Anyways... I ended up not buying her milk in fear she was going to resale it but I told her I'll be her and her children dinner if they joined me.. so we sat and talked over dinner. i'm not sure if I did the right thing but she was pretty honest with me afterwards that a lot of it was an act.
As for today, it's been a really off day for me. Although, I went to bed early last night but I didn't want to get out of bed this morning and I missed morning mass because although i set the time of my alarm I forgot to turned it on, (there's still mass this afternoon at St. Mary's luckily). Well, I finally managed to get out at 7:10 to catch my bus to Nabo Jibon (where the MC brothers stay). It was a 30 minutes bus ride; we crossed one of the largest bridge in India.. i forget it's name. Nabo Jibon was amazing, it was for the street children to come in and have fun on Sunday. Today what it my day consisted of was hanging out with the kids and letting them climb all over me, and kicking their butts at arm wrestling. The kids loved me because they were so fascinated that I had braccess. I ended up playing soccer with the kids on this flat mud courtyard. It was extremely dirty, covered with moss, Doggy Caca, and plenty of mud spots. We played barefeet and I was a king because i scored 6 points of the team. The kids are really skilled as the volunteered often fell on the asses on this slippery field. I'm not sure if I'm homesick or what... but my heart wasn't fully there today and I kept trying to give more but was so lazy and in dazed. I ended up going upstairs and asking the MC Brothers if I could take time to pray. I spent a long while in prayer and still more to come. Returning for my prayer break the children were getting ready for lunch. It was the most adorable thing ever! They all sat lined up in two lines in the courtyard and we went around giving them, rice, cury, an egg, and water. It was sooo great seeing them all happy. After the meal the kids left and the volunteers stayed to have lunch with the MC Brothers. It was two of the brothers birthday and so there were two cakes and two candles... we sang happy birthday and did some blessings. After my meal I had the most amazing mango ever... in America, it doesn't even come close to compare. Well, the day is half way done but there's still much for me to do. I'm going to head back to the Mother House and do a couple hours of prayers and adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament and Mother's Tomb and than mass at 6. For the remaining of the night... i'm not sure, maybe hit the hay early. I just feel so drained all day from the moment i woke. Keep me in your prayers. I'm excited for Caitlin to come next week, because it kind of sucks to be a lone traveller when you're in a funk and just want to mellow out and talk but rather you go to the internet cafe to write on a blog or email (no offense). Anyways I'm out... take it easy! God bless and thankyou so much for all your support and prayers!
Tuan
May God give me the strength to trust.
As for today, it's been a really off day for me. Although, I went to bed early last night but I didn't want to get out of bed this morning and I missed morning mass because although i set the time of my alarm I forgot to turned it on, (there's still mass this afternoon at St. Mary's luckily). Well, I finally managed to get out at 7:10 to catch my bus to Nabo Jibon (where the MC brothers stay). It was a 30 minutes bus ride; we crossed one of the largest bridge in India.. i forget it's name. Nabo Jibon was amazing, it was for the street children to come in and have fun on Sunday. Today what it my day consisted of was hanging out with the kids and letting them climb all over me, and kicking their butts at arm wrestling. The kids loved me because they were so fascinated that I had braccess. I ended up playing soccer with the kids on this flat mud courtyard. It was extremely dirty, covered with moss, Doggy Caca, and plenty of mud spots. We played barefeet and I was a king because i scored 6 points of the team. The kids are really skilled as the volunteered often fell on the asses on this slippery field. I'm not sure if I'm homesick or what... but my heart wasn't fully there today and I kept trying to give more but was so lazy and in dazed. I ended up going upstairs and asking the MC Brothers if I could take time to pray. I spent a long while in prayer and still more to come. Returning for my prayer break the children were getting ready for lunch. It was the most adorable thing ever! They all sat lined up in two lines in the courtyard and we went around giving them, rice, cury, an egg, and water. It was sooo great seeing them all happy. After the meal the kids left and the volunteers stayed to have lunch with the MC Brothers. It was two of the brothers birthday and so there were two cakes and two candles... we sang happy birthday and did some blessings. After my meal I had the most amazing mango ever... in America, it doesn't even come close to compare. Well, the day is half way done but there's still much for me to do. I'm going to head back to the Mother House and do a couple hours of prayers and adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament and Mother's Tomb and than mass at 6. For the remaining of the night... i'm not sure, maybe hit the hay early. I just feel so drained all day from the moment i woke. Keep me in your prayers. I'm excited for Caitlin to come next week, because it kind of sucks to be a lone traveller when you're in a funk and just want to mellow out and talk but rather you go to the internet cafe to write on a blog or email (no offense). Anyways I'm out... take it easy! God bless and thankyou so much for all your support and prayers!
Tuan
May God give me the strength to trust.
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